Letting Go of Life’s Hurts 

by Jonathan Ansley Ward

Forgiveness is not easy.  From my experience it is not just found in saying the words, “I forgive you” when the same hurtful thoughts and feelings arise. In my own search for forgiveness I experimented with spiritual methods to improve my results. My journey was rewarding, and I wanted to share my findings. Thus, I hope that this article will assist you in finding greater peace in your life through forgiveness. 

Maiti Girtanner was a devout Catholic and concert pianist when the German Army invaded France in 1940.  Within a year she was arrested as part of the resistance, imprisoned, and tortured.  After the war as a result she was unable to play piano, unable to have a family, and lived in chronic pain. She faced a choice to either “live a life of ongoing bitter hatred against the man who had left her disabled or to choose to forgive him. She had begun to understand that forgiveness could never be just an intellectual idea; instead, it had to be something that was directed toward someone. She wrote: ‘Forgiveness does not come about in the abstract; it calls for someone to whom it can be addressed, someone to whom it can be received.’  She began to pray for her captors and, in particular, for the young doctor who had tortured her. Forty-years later doctor contacted her, specifically asking if despite everything she had suffered, did she still hold onto her faith.  He asked to see her; as he knelt before her he cried and asked for forgiveness. She held his head in her hands and kissed him, and said “I forgive you.”*

As we travel the road of life we hit bumps, have conflicts, and misunderstandings; we experience everyday and deeper hurts. Learning to deal with and overcome these is one way we grow as souls. Small slights are soon forgotten over time, but how about deeper pains? Two questions I ask myself: “Have I forgiven when the same thoughts and hurt feelings revisit, over and over?”  And, “If not, how can I move on and forgive?” These destructive thoughts and feelings can follow us through life, repeating like a broken record, despite our knowing the harmful effects.  

Learning to forgive means not letting our hurtful emotions rule us, but analyze, learn, and move on. In the highest sense, forgiveness can mean living in the peace and happiness of God’s presence. Forgiveness does not mean we let ourselves be hurt again and again, but process the hurt, give love, compassion, and understanding, while forming a strategy of not being hurt again.

An insight that may smooth our travels on the road of life is not expecting perfection of others, because we all make mistakes.  Make your happiness stand alone, independent of others’ actions or inactions. Give others the same benefit of the doubt you’d want given to yourself. Sometimes, it’s just a honest misunderstanding or miscommunication.

ROADMAP TOWARD FORGIVENESS

Meditation

The heart of yoga is union with our souls, and where is that union to be found? In deep meditation. My first step toward forgiveness was meditation – absorbing that peace of God found in its practice. Also, carrying the effects of meditation into our daily lives can shield us against life’s hurts. This castle of peace can prove unassailable if we can learn to live within its strong walls built in meditation.  

Practice of the Presence of God

St. Paul advised to “pray without ceasing.” Some do this by repeating a mantra or affirmation mentally. Others have a ongoing conversation with God. They reason that they’re going to think anyway, so why not bring God into their thoughts. An example would be, “Lord, why can’t I think of You more often?”

Prayer

We help others when we pray for them. Sincerely praying for those who’ve hurt us can literally heal the situation on both ends. I believe when we sincerely and deeply pray for others we absorb God’s light within and direct it to those for whom we pray. This can also be a great strategy of mind control – rather than allowing our thoughts to recall past hurts that give rise to painful feelings, we can stop the negative trend and guide our thoughts into prayer. The hurts will defuse and we can react positively.  

Affirmations

Through affirmations we can change every aspect of our lives – we can go from victim to hero, and it is a powerful tool in the process of forgiveness. I sometimes use, “As I radiate love and good will to others, I open a channel for God’s love to come to me. Divine love is the magnet by which I draw all good.” **

CONCLUSION

Forgiveness can include use of law enforcement and/or the legal system if the situation calls for it.  Forgiveness does not mean we become helpless victims. It doesn’t mean we don’t strive for justice. It means in our hearts we can give love and friendship to those who have wronged us.  

Jesus Christ’s said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor’ and ‘hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” From the New Testament: “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not just seven times, but seventy times seven! Seventy times seven times, that’s a lot of forgiveness, but isn’t it better to forgive than to go through life carrying hurts with you?  

From the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  We all make mistakes. We all want forgiveness.  If we want forgiveness, then we should learn to forgive, then we harness the karmic law of cause and effect to our benefit; then we can be more easily forgiven for wrong past actions. The above roadmap can help us live in a paradise of unconditional love.  

In closing, from India’s great epic The Mahabharata: “One should forgive, under any injury. It hath been said that the continuation of the species is due to man being forgiving. Forgiveness is holiness; by forgiveness the universe is held together. Forgiveness is the might of the mighty; forgiveness is sacrifice; forgiveness is quiet of mind. Forgiveness and gentleness are the qualities of the Self-possessed. They represent eternal virtue.”  

* online cite below:

https://www.ncregister.com/blog/kturley/what-happened-when-this-woman-met-her-nazi-torturer